~icarus414

No more depressing rants.

[Everyone]: Hi John.
[Me]: And I'm a lonely, emotionally stunted, self-hating narcissist.

I seem to be grey. I've never thought of myself as a colour before, but now it just fits so well that I can't stop. My life isn't that bad; I don't really have to do anything, since I live with my mother (that's not as creepy as it sounds, seeing as I'm still under 20) and the basic necessities of life are provided for me, free of charge. But I'm also a highschool dropout with no friends, no one to talk to and nothing to do that seems worth doing.

Actually, I'm not a dropout per se; I was quietly expelled for almost never showing up and doing very little but play headgames with the faculty when I *was* there, so you can't really blame them for giving me the boot. It was fine by me anyway. You see, way back when, some jackass realized that because I could spell better than my teachers when I was in second grade, I must be sort of clever. So they had me tested, and there it was: "Gifted". Yeah, right. So they put me in a special program, which basically meant that I was doing work two or three years ahead of my age level so I didn't throw off the curve. As if I didn't have enough problems being a fat kid with glasses whose dad had a funny accent. Anyway.

Fast-forward a few years, and I have another problem: my dad's dead. I was ten. Brilliant. Not that it was totally unexpected, as he was an overweight, sixty-year-old diabetic with heart problems. But when you're ten, it kind of sucks whether you're surprised or not. So I became depressed, and slowly started showing up at school less and less. By ninth grade, my attendance was well below fifty-fifty. Intelligence, it seems, does not equate to good judgement. I was afflicted by the all too common teenage scourge that I now know is called an Invincibility Complex. Note capitalization for effect. I knew what I was doing was stupid, but what with everyone telling me I was a genius for so many years, I figured I was smart enough to make up later for whatever bad decisions I made at the time. That was over four years ago. Oops.

I seem to have fallen off (or out, or whatever) of the roll I was on, so I'll quit for now. If anyone's even halfway interested in hearing more of this, leave a note or something. Otherwise... well, otherwise who am I talking to? G'night.